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Wikipedia:Peer review/Rehab (Rihanna song)/archive2

Previous peer review

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I want to make it a Featured Article and I want an experienced reviewer to give me tasks when it comes to grammar, prose and other FA things. I would be very greatful.

Thanks, Tomica1111 (talk) 10:55, 18 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Copying my reason much? Calvin NaNaNaC'mon! 12:43, 26 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Happy?! Tomica1111 (talk) 12:51, 26 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]


{{Doing}} --Efe (talk) 12:27, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks Tomica1111 (talk) 12:41, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Efe (talk · contribs) comments
  • reaching the top-ten of the official charts in Austria, Germany, Netherlands, Norway and Slovakia, while reaching number sixteen on the UK Singles Chart, as well as number eighteen on the US Billboard Hot 100. Parallelism. I think UK Singles Chart must be UK only, and the same goes with US Billboard Hot 100. That's because you're only using Austria, Germay, etc. --Efe (talk) 12:56, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I suppose can go UK with US ?! Tomica1111 (talk) 15:23, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Yes. US for Billboard Hot 100. --Efe (talk) 15:40, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • During the American leg of the tour, one night after the show in Chicago, Its already in the text that it happened during the tour, and American because its in Chicago. That clause is dispensable. --Efe (talk) 12:56, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Rihanna and Timberlake went in to the studio and began collaborating. Shortly afterward, Timberlake returned to the studio with Rihanna now in New York City, I'm kinda lost... --Efe (talk) 12:56, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

That's all for now. I think the article has a lot of issues. Just ping me. Thanks. --Efe (talk) 12:56, 27 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

  • Accordingly, Timberlake was inspired by a failed relationship he had. I actually rephrased this. Correct if not good. But I was looking for the source. I can't find it in the source (EW) that you are using. --Efe (talk) 02:23, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rehab" was one of three songs which were produced by Timbaland that made it to Gone Girl Gone Bad. Unless you have a nice source other than the liner notes. Some songs submitted to Rihanna's label don't reach as far as being included in the album. --Efe (talk) 02:26, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • American actress Kim Kardashian concurred with Rihanna by saying that any girl that has gone through a break-up should listen to it. How is Ms. Kardashain related to Rihanna or to the creation of the song? I feel this sort of a fancruft, actually. But if you intend to retain that one, maybe you'll have to defend it during the FAC. --Efe (talk) 02:28, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • following the chord progression of G♯m–B–F♯–E in the verses and chorus accordingly, a chord "in music is any harmonic set of two–three or more notes that is heard as if sounding simultaneously". --Efe (talk) 02:58, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
What I mean is there is an original research here, based on the interpretation of the sheet music. Also, I personally think the interpretation is factually incorrect. A chord progression by definition is "any harmonic set of two–three or more notes that is heard as if sounding simultaneously". What makes "G♯m–B–F♯–E" a chord progression? --Efe (talk) 05:14, 3 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
 Not done --Efe (talk) 09:10, 18 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • With regard to the song's metaphorical lyrics, Rihanna explained the meaning behind them, saying "It compares an ex-boyfriend to rehabilitation jargon of which include: diseases, drugs and depression. It talks about forgetting a boyfriend following a break-up".[4] Margeaux Watson of Entertainment Weekly said that the song represents a "lovesick ballad". Might be in the appropriate section, but then again the preceding section talks about the thing. Might want to organize them a bit. --Efe (talk) 03:25, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • The critical reception sections needs some splitting, perhaps by reaction (positive and negative). One paragraph section for me is a no no specially if theres so much information there. --Efe (talk) 03:27, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • The following week, "Rehab" was the greatest gainer on the chart for the issue dated November 30, 2008 after leaping twenty-seven places to number twenty-four.[31] The next week, the song further climbed to twenty and ultimately peaked at sixteen. Might need some pruning. Please see Wikipedia:Record_charts#Chart_trajectories for guidance. There's so many instances of them in that section. --Efe (talk) 03:34, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • You need not follow the charting of the song. Just state that it peaked at that position. Unless there's a reason to purposely do it. Like it debuted, and then it went off the chart for months, then it reappeared on say top 10 or top 5. Its actually explained in the guide. --Efe (talk) 13:13, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • It was directed by Anthony Mandler, and preview shots of the video was leaked on the same day.[40] Mandler has directed many of Rihanna's music videos, including: "Unfaithful", "Shut Up and Drive", "Hate That I Love You and "Disturbia".[41] Following pictures of the video shoot leaking onto the internet, Perhaps need some re-organization, like Mandler and previous videos in one sentence, then leak and "following pictures" go in one sentence, or sort of that. --Efe (talk) 03:34, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Credits: Source:[1] Perhaps you introduce that section by converting that into a sentence, which is the album's liner notes. Most music articles do that. --Efe (talk) 03:34, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Credits are taken from Good Girl Gone Bad: Reloaded liner notes. The song was published prior to that re-issue. I guess it would be better to use the first edition? --Efe (talk) 12:57, 28 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Yeah, I think you are right !

I'll have a review on this during the weekend. Meantime, I suggest you go get a couple more of eyes. More reviewers less errors spotted during the FAC. Thanks. --Efe (talk) 13:49, 29 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]

The User:Local hero, which is actually a native speaker of English, went through the grammar of the article, and fixed some things. I will ask some other more experienced users to check the article. Tomica1111 (talk) 10:05, 31 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • "Rihanna was inspired for the development of "Rehab" while accompanying Timbaland" Was the writing really was inpired? --Efe (talk) 09:09, 18 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • I don't mean to promote (or something) FutureSex/LoveSounds, but you might want to read part of it. For your information, Timba and Timberlake worked before collaborating with Rihanna, so you could give a bit of background of it. And Timberlake's not writing the song on the paper is something that was done during the making of his second album. You also could a bit of a background, but not to stray far from "Rehab". --Efe (talk) 09:09, 18 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Mark, can you please explain your point in simpler words? Jivesh 1205 (talk / Make sure you give 4 a try!!!) 12:03, 18 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I thought I was clear enough. Anyway, what I was trying to say was that the article should give more background as regards to its producers and writers, and what technique did they follow. --Efe (talk) 12:13, 18 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Brief comments from Nikkimaria
  • Captions should meet same standards for prose and verifiability as article text. Captions that are complete sentences should end in periods, and those that aren't should not
  • File:Rihanna_Rehab.ogg.ogg and File:Rihanna_Rehab_Music_Video.jpg: FURs, particularly "purpose of use", need expansion. Depending on how well you can argue your case, you may need to remove the latter
  • Read through the article to look for awkward or potentially unclear phrasings
  • Maintain an encyclopedic tone at all times. Colloquialisms like "bruised break-up" should be avoided except when quoting
  • Be consistent in what is italicized - for example, why is Pitchfork Media italicized and Slant Magazine not? In general, look for internal consistency
  • Resolve dab links like Unfaithful
  • WP:OVERLINK: don't link very common terms, and don't link the same term multiple times, particularly not in close proximity
  • Make sure you use complete citations - for example, web citations need both publisher and retrieval date, so FN 2 is incomplete. Also make sure the citation style/formatting used in consistent
  • If/when you take this article to FAC, the following sources are among those that may be questioned as potential non-high quality reliable sources: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5]. Nikkimaria (talk) 13:31, 31 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Quick commetn from Tbhotch

File:Rihanna-brisbane.jpg needs ALT for consistency. Tbhotch. Grammatically incorrect? Correct it! See terms and conditions. 01:26, 2 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Quick comment for yours truly

The music video screen-shot fails NFCC, and worst of all, has a crappy description. "Rihanna and Justin Timberlake standing in a scene from the music video for "Rehab"." Standing!? Really?--CallMeNathanTalk2Me 05:39, 3 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Removed Tomica1111Question Existing? 12:37, 3 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Quick comment
Comments by Jivesh
Before beginning i would like to tell you that you will be asked to make some changes of which you have never heard before. Let me tell you that FA is verify different from GA. Jivesh Talk2Me 19:05, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
You are free to disagree when you do not like my suggestions. Jivesh Talk2Me 19:28, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Ok, Jivesh I will be aware of that. Thanks btw Tomica1111Question Existing? 21:05, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Nice. Jivesh Talk2Me 10:29, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Infobox
  • No sources in infobox
  • Remove 4:05 (Radio Edit)
Lead
  • Avoid usage of the word track
  • Timbaland is actually a stage name (producer). Since he co-wrote the song, you should write his real name and link it as follows [[Timbaland|Timothy Mosley]]
  • The track was written by Justin Timberlake, Timbaland and Hannon Lane, and was produced by Timbaland and Lane >>> The song was written by [[Justin Timberlake]], Hannon Lane as well as [[Timbaland|Timothy Mosley]] while production was handled by the latter under his stage name Timbaland and Lane.
  • The idea for writing "Rehab" came about while Rihanna was following Timbaland on his tour with Justin Timberlake. >>> Rihanna was inspired for the development of "Rehab" while accompanying Timbaland on his tour alongside Justin Timberlake.
  • Def Jam premiered the single version of the song on contemporary hit radio in the United States on October 6, 2008. >>> Def Jam serviced the radio edit of the song for airplay to contemporary hit radio in the United States on October 6, 2008.
  • of an ex-boyfriend that is metaphorically seen as a disease >>> of an ex-love interest who is metaphorically seen as a disease.
  • Musically, the song is mid-tempo and contains prominent R&B ballad characteristics >>> Musically, "Rehab" is mid-paced song containing prominent [[Contemporary R&B|R&B]] [[Ballad (music)|ballad]] characteristics.
  • Critics gave mixed reviews of the song >>> Music critics generally gave mixed reviews of the song
  • "Rehab" managed to reach the top-ten of the official charts >>> "Rehab" peaked inside the top ten positions on the official charts
  • US Billboard Hot 100 >>> US Billboard Hot 100 chart
  • The accompanying music video to the single >>> The accompanying music video of the single
  • was directed by Anthony Mandler who shot the footage in Vasquez Rocks Park outside Los Angeles, California >>> was directed by Anthony Mandler and it was shot in Vasquez Rocks Park outside Los Angeles, California
  • Rihanna and Timberlake playing an ex-couple, engaging in bitter sexual chemistry in a desert. >>> Rihanna and Timberlake playing an ex-couple, engaging in a bitter sexual chemistry in a desert.
  • 2008 American Music Awards, as well as on Good Girl Gone Bad and partially on the Last Girl on Earth Tour. >>> 2008 American Music Awards, on Good Girl Gone Bad (2007-09) and partly on the Last Girl on Earth Tour (2010-11).
 Done Tomica1111Question Existing? 21:19, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Nice. Jivesh Talk2Me 10:29, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
General Comment: Quite a lot of work to be done here. Seems that the GA review did not dig in the article's prose enough. (No offense intended) Jivesh Talk2Me 19:29, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I will continue tomorrow. Jivesh Talk2Me 19:32, 8 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

>>>> Switching to other sections Jivesh Talk2Me 10:33, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Background
  • Reduce quote box's width to 15% (You should also lay more emphasis on presentation like i told Calvin).
  • The source in the quote box should be next to '—Rihanna talking about "Rehab".'
  • Try to re-write the first sentence as i said in the lead. If you need help, tell me. Do not hesitate.
  • Shortly afterward, Timberlake returned to the studio with Rihanna >>> Shortly afterward, Timberlake returned to the studio accompanied by Rihanna
  • Can you explain tome what exactly is happening here: One night after a show in Chicago, Rihanna and Timberlake went to the studio and began working together. Shortly afterward, Timberlake returned to the studio with Rihanna in New York City, with the intention to write a song for her Two different studios???
Well she was accompanying them on the tour right? One night after the show in Chicago they went in a studio and made a stub beat or something, and laterafter the show in New York City, they went in studio but now in New York City and Justin hardly stated that he wanted to write a song for her. The original text from the article - Well, Timbaland was on tour with Justin and we had to follow Timbaland, really. So we went to Chicago first and one night after the show, Justin just came into the studio and he started messing around, making a beat. And it was fun. We played around with that one, too. And when we came to New York, Justin came back to the studio and he was like, I wanna write this song for Rihanna. Tomica1111Question Existing? 10:46, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I will do it for you later. Jivesh Talk2Me 10:55, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
  • Can you explain tome what exactly is happening here: One night after a show in Chicago, Rihanna and Timberlake went to the studio and began working together. Shortly afterward, Timberlake returned to the studio with Rihanna in New York City, with the intention to write a song for her Two different studios???
  • beats >>> [[Beat (music)|beats]]
  • Link Good Girl Gone Bad
  • Timberlake concluded >>> Timberlake concluded: ".........."
  • Speaking to Robert Copsey of Digital Spy, she >>> Speaking to Robert Copsey of Digital Spy, Rihanna
  • in studio, saying >>> in the studio, sayi"Rehab" was one of three songs that were produced by Timbaland that made it onto Good Girl Gone Bad >>> "Rehab" was one of three songs that were produced by Timbaland, and that made it onto the final track-listing of Good Girl Gone Bad.
General Comment: Re-arrange the whole section. It is difficult to read through it. I will stop here for now and will continue at night. Jivesh Talk2Me 10:53, 10 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]

Composition

  • A 22-second sample of Rihanna's "Rehab"'s chorus, which has similar R&B swoon of her previous singles such as "Unfaithful" (2006) and "Take a Bow" (2008) >>> A 22-second sample featuring the [[Refrain|chorus]] of "Rehab", which has similar "R&B swoon" of Rihanna's previous singles such as "Unfaithful" (2006) and "Take a Bow" (2008), as stated by Spence D. of IGN.
  • Why is R&B ballad linked to slow jam???
  • Its R&B swoon sound is similar to previous Rihanna singles such as "Unfaithful" (2006) and "Take a Bow" (2008).[7] >>> REPETITIVE. So remove from here.
  • Correct link is call and response
  • Rihanna and Justin Timberlake in which Timberlake calls >>> Rihanna and Timberlake in which the latter chants
  • 2007 single "What Goes Around... Comes Around" >>> 2007 single, "What Goes Around... Comes Around"
  • Timberlake's 2002 single "Cry Me a River" >>> Timberlake's 2002 single, "Cry Me a River"
  • According to the digital music sheet >>> According to the digital sheet music
  • F3 to the high note of Bb4 >>> Link musical notes. It you need help, tell me.
  • verses should be linked from Song structure (popular music)
  • Link chorus as above (music sample)
  • "'Rehab' is a metaphorical song. 'Rehab' really just means we have to get over the guy... " >>> "'Rehab' is a metaphorical song. [It] really just means we have to get over the guy... "
General Comment: One of the best composition sections i have ever read. Did you write it alone? Jivesh Talk2Me 17:47, 11 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I have changed idea to concept. Jivesh Talk2Me 17:51, 11 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
This is how a composition section should be.. I am referring to the order. But here, it seems the music sample is disrupting the structure. Maybe if you find more information about the progression of the song, the section size could be increased and therefore balanced. Please try. After all, this is Rihanna. There must be more reviews. Jivesh Talk2Me 17:58, 11 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I done most of the issues, however you can help me with the notes. The section is quite good, I didn't write it alone, I expanded it from a previous user work. Btw about the song follows a chord progression of G♯m–B–F♯–E in the verses and chorus..., According to User:Efe it should be removed, cause it's not an original research. And I don't really know for what should I look about? — Tomica1111Question Existing? 18:07, 11 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
It is not original research. You just need to know how to read a sheet music. Concerning the expansion, look for more lyrics from the second verse, third verse, etc. I am fixing the music notes issues for you. Jivesh Talk2Me 18:15, 11 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Auuu I hate composition sections. Why not merging this "Rehab" opens with a tension-filled string section,[13] played by Stevie Blacke,[5] as a contrasting violin, cello and tambourine instrumental groove with Hannon Lane's keyboard melody.[8] It then transitions into Rihanna's emotional vocals in the opening lines "Baby, baby, when we first met/I never felt something so strong".[14] The song's middle 8 features a vocal call and response between Rihanna and Timberlake in which the latter chants "Now ladies gimme that" and Rihanna responds with the "Oh, oh, oh, oh, ohohoh, oh, oh, ohh" ad-lib hook.[8] with the first paragraph? — Tomica1111Question Existing? 18:19, 11 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Hmmmmmmmmmmmm okay. Jivesh Talk2Me 18:38, 11 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Lead (Again)

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